Today is Christmas. Well...technically it is now Boxing Day...34 minutes past midnight according to my watch.

Is it horrible of me to think of dying today? Not in the morbid or depressing sort of way. It's different. It's more like this sense that I desire to be in God's presence so much that I actually look forward to dying. And that is why I thought of it today (or yesterday...whatever). On Christmas we celebrate the most generous of gifts that God ever gave us...Himself. His presence. To have Him go with us. That's what Christ did. So I thought of it today...I thought of how wonderful death will be. Because it will only mean an end to living in a broken, burdensome world...and the the beginning of a glorious existence living unendedly in His presence. Yes, I look forward to that day.

If I die before my presumable time...or even if I die in my old age...I want someone somewhere somehow to know this. While I am mostly content here on this earth, and while I submit myself gratefully to God's will to keep me here...my soul longs to be free from this body...from my flesh...and to be fully united with my Creator. My heart knows He is its truest, deepest desire. This place...this world...is so strange to me. I do not understand it. I feel as though I am an alien here...and in ways I am. Because it is not my home. And time and time again I tell Him, "I want to go Home."

Yet with this in mind...knowing what such sweet things are in store for me...I realize I am not really here for myself. If that were the case, then silly me! For there is nothing here in the worldly kingdom that isn't far better in the kingdom of heaven. No, with all this in mind I realize...I am here for His purposes. And when those expire...may so I. May so I go and be with Him. I long for that day. Like a child who waits for Christmas...like a bride who waits for her wedding day...but far more than that. With great joy I look forward to finally standing before Him, falling at His feet and worshiping my Love.