Some people are really witty and entertaining when they write. I am not one of those people, but I'll be content as I am. I'm actually just bored right now and realized that I started one of these blog sites some odd weeks ago. "Why not let your fingers go at the keyboard awhile," I thought. So here I am. And here we are...you and I. This is awkward, really.
Anyway, clearly I'm procrastinating from whatever by doing this. Actually whatever happens to be a sermon at church. I'm a Christian, see, and a youth worker at that. So tomorrow I'm giving a lesson on James, a book in the Bible, to about 15 youngens. And the thing is, I'm not a teacher. I do love to talk, but not in front of large crowds with the expectation of a) making any sense and b) saying anything thought provoking. I'd rather be behind the scenes planning games and making phone calls to parents. Yeah, I know. I should get over myself. But...instead of embracing the fact that I get to try something new tomorrow (and writing the slimy little thing), I'm doing this. So I'm saying goodbye now...even though I'll probably find some other way to procrastinate after this.

I turned 20 yesterday. I know it isn't a huge number by any means, but I feel old. There is something about that 2. It makes me feel less mysterious, less exciting, less spontaneous and more responsible. I promised myself I'd always be content with my age and never talk about growing up as a curse.

However, let's be honest here. 20 IS an awkward age. It's sort of this in-between place - the middle of being a teenager and at least feeling like an adult. Yeah, I haven't been a teenager for years, really. I grew up when I graduated - moved out on my own to pursue adventures of varying sorts. Still, some huge part of me could never get over the fact that I was a child...just a very big and responsible one.

Now I find myself split in half, standing on a wood plank with swords drawn on both sides. On one end - me as a child, and on the other - me as an adult. Each scowl with disgust at each other...or fear. I'm sure as I walk away from this computer, they'll actually just shake hands and walk into the sunset together, creating beautiful harmony. It's just fun to be dramatic sometimes. Either way, it's going to take awhile getting used to not being a teen.